why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
