No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
