our cab driver is having phone sex.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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