high people should be assigned attendants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
