Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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