so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize