hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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