Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
