Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
