now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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