I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
