I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
