OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
