I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
