The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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