i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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