I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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