she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So many bounce houses so little time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
