Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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