My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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