me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
