My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My feet surprised me
Randomize
