1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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