I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
