..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
