me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
