Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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