I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
