She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My life is pants optional.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
