Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
