shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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