Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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