They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
