Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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