i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
