I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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