Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
