Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
