I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
