drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
