"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
