i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
