Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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