what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
