Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
