I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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