those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
