therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
