I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
