So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar