Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you