Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
