Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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