I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
