someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
