Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
