I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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