just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
