take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
