He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
