my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
