two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
