did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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