he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
