True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
