I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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