I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
