ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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