I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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