I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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