Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
