Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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