I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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