just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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