You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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