She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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