areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
