maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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