highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
