I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
