My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
