I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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