you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize