when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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