yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
