24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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