If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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