Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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