conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize