i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
