my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
3pm strippers are depressing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
